My mother, my angel of sympathy who laughed at me when I sprained my ankle trying to reproduce a heel-clicking incident performed by Donald O'Connor in "Singin' In The Rain" while emptying the dishwasher, suggested I use this opportunity to try out some historical first aid recipes on my poor mangled finger. "You know, make lemons into lemonade!" "Pink lemonade."
To this end, I give you a short list of home remedies you (yes you! I like my fingers too much.) can try on your cuts and scrapes.
1. Spider webs: Honestly, I've only ever seen this in fantasy novels. Anyone have a source? Also, no. I am not touching spider webs. SPIDERS LIVE IN THOSE.
2. Packed herbs: Again, I think I've mainly seen this in fantasy novels. Characters are always going on quests through the woods in lands that never fail to boast the botanical equivalent of ibuprofen/neosporin/Band-Aids.
3. Pads: The lady kind. This technology was used during WWI for the staunching the injuries of our boys at the front. Eventually, a nurse noticed that WE HAD HAD THIS TECHNOLOGY FOR AGES and decided this might have applications for ladies. Before that, women had to either clamp rags between their legs or stay pregnant for their entire reproductive life. In conclusion, this is why we need more girls in the sciences. Men just can't be trusted to think of these things.
4. Moldy bread: The forerunner of penicillin. Unfortunately, I am allergic to penicillin so I do not think a full-body rash would help very much.
5. Turpentine: My mom suggested this one. I am beginning to suspect she is not taking the mango-related almost-severance of my finger seriously OR sympathetically.
6. Toasted Cheese: "Things A Lady Would Like To Know"* suggests binding toasted cheese on a cut. That is not only unhelpful, but also cruel. As is commonly known, crispy cheese is impossible not to eat. Even if it has one's own blood on it. And that is gross. On the other hand, I may now have a business idea for a bandage, made of renewable materials, that does not fill up the garbage dump. And is delicious. If a little bit metallic tasting.
*This book also suggests curing deafness by being electrified through the ear, and then taking a cold bath. This source may not be a trustworthy source of medical advice.
3. Pads: The lady kind. This technology was used during WWI for the staunching the injuries of our boys at the front. Eventually, a nurse noticed that WE HAD HAD THIS TECHNOLOGY FOR AGES and decided this might have applications for ladies. Before that, women had to either clamp rags between their legs or stay pregnant for their entire reproductive life. In conclusion, this is why we need more girls in the sciences. Men just can't be trusted to think of these things.
4. Moldy bread: The forerunner of penicillin. Unfortunately, I am allergic to penicillin so I do not think a full-body rash would help very much.
5. Turpentine: My mom suggested this one. I am beginning to suspect she is not taking the mango-related almost-severance of my finger seriously OR sympathetically.
6. Toasted Cheese: "Things A Lady Would Like To Know"* suggests binding toasted cheese on a cut. That is not only unhelpful, but also cruel. As is commonly known, crispy cheese is impossible not to eat. Even if it has one's own blood on it. And that is gross. On the other hand, I may now have a business idea for a bandage, made of renewable materials, that does not fill up the garbage dump. And is delicious. If a little bit metallic tasting.
*This book also suggests curing deafness by being electrified through the ear, and then taking a cold bath. This source may not be a trustworthy source of medical advice.
well...I see I was successful in getting your mind off your miseries and turning it to time travel thoughts
ReplyDeleteI was reading some old pioneer remedies in a DUP almanac, and there was an account of a girl who fell in the fire and burned her arms badly. The mother made a plaster of fresh green cow manure and bound it to the girls arms. She changed the plaster twice daily. The girl healed without a scar.
ReplyDeleteI've also read about the urine of infants having healing properties...
Aw, so THAT was what my baby was trying to do when she woke up an hour ago soaked in pee! She is so clever and helpful.
ReplyDeleteAlso, sadly not the right time of year for green cow manure. In my experience, though, it is a task to keep it OFF you rather than trying purposely to apply it.
ReplyDeleteCalendula gel or ointment stimulates fast healing at the skin's surface, and is a good choice for a nice clean wound. It is been endorsed by Commission E, the body of experts that advises the German government about herbs, for reducing inflammation and promoting wound healing.
ReplyDeleteClove oil is high in eugenol, a compound that is both an antiseptic and a painkiller. You can sprinkle powdered cloves on a cut to prevent infection.
Comfrey roots and leaves contain allantoin, which stimulates cell division and speeds wound healing and scar formation. You can take some fresh leaves and rub them directly on your cuts and scrapes.
Goldenseal contains several antiseptic compounds. You can apply a poultice of crushed goldenseal root to any minor cuts.
Yarrow is excellent for stopping bleeding. Just sprinkle powdered yarrow extract onto the cut. Yarrow leaves and flowers have been used since ancient Roman times for their blood-clotting, anti-inflammatory, and pain-relieving qualities.
None of those sound as delicious as cheese.
ReplyDeleteIn a Wilderness Survival class, I took, they did say that Turpintine is an antiseptic. You can make it by boiling green pine needles. It makes a weak solution.
ReplyDeleteThat is good to know.
ReplyDeleteReportedly, tampons are sometimes used by soldiers to plug bullet holes as emergency first aid - being designed to soak up blood and swell to fill the hole.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I've used super glue / CA glue ( cyanoacrylate ) to patch small cuts.
Super glue WOULD help hold the cheese on better...
ReplyDelete