Fresh Fruits, Rolled Oats in Cream, Baked Sweet Apples, Macaroni with Cream Sauce, Whole-Wheat Puffs, Stewed Peaches, Caramel Coffee

Once upon a time, there was a man named John Harvey Kellogg. He was a big fan of vegetarianism. He ran the Battle Creek Sanitarium, where one of the treatment methods was feeding patients an all-vegetarian diet. Another method was giving patients yogurt enemas. But let us dwell instead on the fact that he invented Kellogg's Cornflakes there. Meanwhile, his wife wrote a whole cookbook based on the foods they served to the patients.



SCIENCE IN THE KITCHEN.
A Scientific Treatise on Food Substances and their Dietetic Properties, Together with a Practical Explanation of the Principles of Healthful Cookery, and a Large Number of Original, Palatable, and Wholesome Recipes, by Mrs. E[lla]. E[rvilla]. Kellogg, A.M. [1893], Superintendent of the Sanitarium School of Cookery and of the Bay View Assembly School of Cookery, and Chairman of the World's Fair Committee on Food Supplies, for Michigan

Her titles, they could be a little more snappy.

A little less than ten years ago the Sanitarium at Battle Creek Mich., established an experimental kitchen and a school of cookery under the supervision of Mrs. Dr. Kellogg, since which time, researches in the various lines of cookery and dietetics have been in constant progress in the experimental kitchen, and regular sessions of the school of cookery have been held. . . . During this time, Mrs. Kellogg has had constant oversight of the cuisine of both the Sanitarium and the Sanitarium Hospital, preparing bills of fare for the general and diet tables, and supplying constantly new methods and original recipes to meet the changing and growing demands of an institution numbering always from 500 to 700 inmates.

Baked Sweet Apple Dessert.—Wash and remove the cores from a dozen medium-sized sweet apples, and one third as many sour ones, and bake until well done. Mash through a colander to make smooth and remove the skins. Put into a granite-ware dish, smooth the top with a knife, return to the oven and bake very slowly until dry enough to keep its shape when cut. Add if desired a meringue made by beating the white of one egg with a tablespoonful of sugar. Cut into squares, and serve in individual dishes. The meringue may be flavored with lemon or dotted with bits of colored sugar.



Macaroni with Cream Sauce.—Cook the macaroni as directed in the proceeding [1 C. macaroni] , and serve with a cream sauce prepared by heating a scant pint of rich milk to boiling, in a double boiler. When boiling, add a heaping tablespoonful of flour, rubbed smoothed in a little milk and one fourth teaspoonful of salt. If desired, the sauce may be flavored by steeping in the milk before thickening for ten or fifteen minutes, a slice of onion or a few bits of celery, and then removing with a fork.




Whole-Wheat Puffs.—Put the yolk of an egg into a basin, and beat the white in a separate dish to a stiff froth. Add to the yolk, one half a cupful of rather thin sweet cream and one cupful of skim milk. Beat the egg, cream, and milk together until perfectly mingled and foamy with air bubbles; then add, gradually, beating well at the same time, one pint of wheat berry flour. Continue the beating vigorously and without interruption for eight or ten minutes; then stir in, lightly, the white of the egg. Do not beat again after the white of the egg is added, but turn at once into heated, shallow irons, and bake for an hour in a moderately quick oven. If properly made and carefully baked, these puffs will be of a fine, even texture throughout, and as light as bread raised by fermentation.




Caramel Coffee.—Take three quarts best bran, one quart corn meal, three tablespoonfuls of molasses; mix and brown in the oven like ordinary coffee. For every cup of coffee required, use one heaping tablespoonful of the caramel. Pour boiling water over it, and steep, not boil, for fifteen or twenty minutes.


Verdict:

Fresh Fruits: They were pears.

Baked Sweet Apples: Gahhhhhhh. It is like eating leathery gloop. It was almost inedible. Eventually, we discovered that the trick to eating it is to put a massive scoop of ice cream on top that completely overshadows the apple gloop.

Then, you scrape the ice cream to the side and eat the ice cream, then skoosh the apple flavored leather gloop a little bit so the melted on ice cream drips off and eat that, then toss the apple gloop in the garbage.

After scraping the excess leathery apple gloop up, we then timed it to see how long it would cling to the spatula. It was a full minute and a half. How we laughed! Ladies, gentlemen, this is how we spent Friday night. Donations of moving picture tickets accepted.

Macaroni with Cream Sauce: SO BLAND. Notice there is no salt or seasoning of any kind, just milk (with a bit of onion simmered in it and then removed because that might have flavor), then flavored with paste. And put on another flavorless thing. So... bland blandy bland blanding bland bland blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand.

Whole-Wheat Puffs: In theory, these work kind of like whole wheat cream puffs. In practice... let me illustrate this with an informational picture.



We tipped them in the garbage. They clanked.

Stewed Peaches: Well, canned peaches.

Caramel Coffee: I don't drink coffee, so I have no basis of comparison. So, if coffee smells of burned popcorn and tastes like licking rusty iron bars, it's perfect!

All together: Husband feels that, contrary to Mrs. E.E. Kellogg's claims, this menu was specifically formulated to make him insane. He rated this meal as the worst ever. He was right. There is something terribly, terribly wrong with a meal in which you carefully hoard your last bite of oatmeal.